Noisy Kids at Mass?

How to Handle Church Disruptions with Grace, Charity, and Patience

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IN MATTHEW 19:14, the Lord says to His meddlesome disciples, “Suffer the little children, and forbid them not to come to me: for the kingdom of heaven is for such.” That line sat with me after reading a blogpost written by a young Catholic mother named Sarah. She had lingered after morning Mass hoping to pray for a few quiet minutes. Instead, she overheard a heated exchange in the vestibule.

A woman in her sixties had confronted another young mom about the noisy disruptions her children had caused during Mass. The young mom, to her credit, calmly defended herself and her kids. Sarah walked over, stepped into the discussion, and found herself siding with the younger mother. I know I would have done the same.

I sympathize with the young mom who was doing her best to pray while her little ones fidgeted and bounced around her. But I also understand the older woman’s frustration. Crowded pews, restless children, and the natural clamor of family life can make it difficult for some parishioners, especially those who are older or who no longer spend time around small children. A situation like that can easily ignite tempers when patience runs thin.

As a father of 11, I remember those years well. No matter how diligent Nancy and I were, there were some Sunday Masses when at least one of our children decided that the Gloria would be the perfect time to let out a shriek or, during the the homily, to get into a sibling wrestling match.

Our children are all grown now and have families of their own, and watching them now confirms something I already knew from experience: Bringing the little ones to Mass can sometimes be a challenge when they cause a commotion in the pew, but it is good that they are there. For our part, we diligently trained them to be quiet (or at least, in the case of babies, as quiet as they could be).

And yes, back then occasionally we received cranky remarks or the irritated glare from older parishioners. My young-father reaction was always a matter-fact, “Hey, deal with it. Kids are kids. Noise happens. Get used to it.”

But years and gray hair have softened my perspective. I now understand how sudden bursts of noise at Mass can be jarring, especially for older parishioners who genuinely want to pray in peace. They, too, are doing their best. They, too, need charity from others. As with most conflicts in parish life, there is room for improvement on both sides.

I recognize this in myself. These days, as a granddad of 32, I occasionally feel my own inner irritation creeping in when a child screeches for an extended stretch while the parents sit frozen in their pew, hoping the storm will pass.

The reason is simple. My years of childrearing are long behind me, and I’m no longer around noisy little ones on a daily basis. At 65, the ambience of my everyday life is far quieter than it once was. That’s just the natural course of things. No big deal.

Meanwhile, my married sons and daughters, with houses full of their own rambunctious children, aren’t fazed at all by the commotion. Just like I used to be unfazed. They handle it the same way I once did. Time moves on, and that’s fine. As Frank Sinatra put it, “That’s life!”

And that is exactly why older parishioners may struggle at times. It isn’t ill will. It’s simply the stage of life they’re in. Which is why we need to cut them some slack when they’re distracted by noisy children at Mass. That’s life.

At our parish, many families have what might be called heroic-sized households. Young families with six, seven, eight children and a baby on the way are common place. Not a few have over ten kids. No kidding. And no one blinks an eye. And there are more that a few with kids into the double digits. It’s great! And I celebrate and encourage the wonderful vitality of large families and lively children. It’s a profound blessing on our parish.

Most of these moms and dads have mastered the quick draw: They rise promptly and carry a noisy or distressed child into the hallway until calm returns. It is an act of charity to everyone else. It keeps peace. It’s considerate to others.

But a few parents, not many, seem unaware of a basic courtesy that ought to be taught in every marriage prep course:

If your child is repeatedly loud, disruptive, or melting down, it is not fair or considerate to let the noise continue inside the main body of the church. Picking the child up and stepping out for a few minutes is not an admission of defeat. It is love in action. It is respect for the Body of Christ gathered around you.

That is not scolding young parents. It is simply the truth. A brief, gentle announcement in the bulletin or before Mass could help:

“Parents, we love that you’re here with your children! We welcome you and support you! And if your child becomes fussy during Mass, please take them out temporarily for a few minutes until they settle down. Thank you for helping maintain a prayerful environment for all.”

Simple.

There is nothing hostile about that kind of gentle message. It honors the needs of both sides. Everyone wins.

Because here is the point that matters: Babies belong at Mass. Children belong at Mass. Large families belong at Mass. They are not a disruption to parish life. They are parish life. Without them, the local Church withers. Their presence is a sign of hope and a blessing from God.

At the same time, those who struggle with distraction should remember St. Paul’s admonition: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). That applies to fussy babies as much as it applies to the elderly man coughing behind you or the teen who forgot to silence his phone.

And one more thing needs to be said. I sometimes see priests online blasting older parishioners who quietly admit that noisy children distract them. That kind of harshness is not pastoral. There is no villain in this scenario. Young families need encouragement. Older parishioners need understanding, not scolding. Parents doing their best deserve support, not suspicion. Those who are frustrated by the noise deserve patience, not ridicule.

Everyone has a role to play here. Remember St. Paul’s reminder to “bear one another’s burdens.” Simple. If everyone is patient, considerate, and forbearing with each other, everything is fine.

Everyone can take a small step toward harmony. And everyone will benefit if charity sets the tone. The little children and their parents, who are open to life and cheerfully accepting God’s blessings of each new baby, will certainly benefit, which matters most.

If we all remember that Mass is a family gathering, a real family with crying babies, tired parents, and elderly members longing for a little quiet, then these occasional distractions caused by noisy children at Mass lose their power to create tension and division. Consideration on both sides and patience on both sides can turn a source of irritation into an opportunity for grace.

That is how a parish becomes a home, not only for the young mothers like Sarah but for the older parishioners, the younger families, the single people, the widowers, the teens, and the noisy, wiggly, utterly indispensable children whom the Lord Himself welcomed with open arms. Amen.

Copyright © 2025 Patrick Madrid. All rights reserved. All text, images, and other original content are the property of the author.

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